After All

Carl Jung says Mistakes are, after all, the foundations of truth, and if a man does not know what a thing is, it is at least an increase in knowledge if he knows what it is not.

***

Once upon a time, there was a woman who was disillusioned by love. 
Other than her love and need for her children and art, she could not with honesty, describe how she felt.

Hard as she tried to duck and dodge uncertainty, it seemed inescapable. She was uncertain about life, uncertain about others, but mostly she was uncertain of herself. Uncertainty breeds many things, including the shadowy figures of those ankle biting dogs we call "Angst and Shame" and they were stalking her these days.

So, the woman attempted escape through her art, but started uncovering life's layers and was disturbed. Not by the layers and hidden depths of the others, of course they have them, everyone does, including her.

Including Her...
That was affecting her at every level, from soulful to cellular. 

And through her art, she wondered aloud, "Is it possible, if one remains in darkness long enough that they assume that's all there is? That they could forget that there is more?"
Hadn't she lived in a deep cavern of her own creating for 10 years?

As colour stained hands, shaking from the weight of what they lifted, gathered hurts from heart and head she noticed that every hurt carried with it a lit lantern. Unexpectedly, leaping from her hands, swarming like wasps, these hurts streamed down, determined and on a mission.  Gathering the weight of her, they made a direct flight  to the circus and dropped her to her knees in the House of Mirrors.

Oh my, you would not believe all she saw...

In the mirrors to the left of her, visions of a frightened child who gives way to tantrums and bestows whole new meaning to the words "Needy and Demanding"

In the mirrors to the right, visions of an angry and oh so always *Right* woman who has never loved a man unconditionally and has very little desire to do so.

In the mirrors behind her a movie plays about a woman tired and desperate for a love she's never known, decides to play god and create her own fantasy world. Involving REAL people and using sex, kindness, shame, tears and any other weapon in her arsenal, she doles out roles and watches closely to ensure the parts are played out to the smallest detail.

In the mirror in front of her is a very shaken woman who wonders how and why she didn't come to this knowing sooner. An intelligent and caring person...how could she have let this happen?

Shattered and hesitant to move, trembling fingers dare to reach out and slowly start gathering the broken shards that lie all around her, readying herself to piece together the one life she can...her own.